Have you been in an abusive church group? Has a member of your family been in a cult? If so, I’ll bet you’ve felt the knife in the heart known as “The Silent Treatment.” It can be called shunning, disfellowship, waiting on the Lord, or anything else. What it means to the victim is simple – YOU ARE NOTHING! YOU ARE DEAD TO ME! (Yes, if waiting on the Lord means not talking to the person your ‘waiting’ on, then you are being abusive.)

In one sense shunning, or the silent treatment, is a very effective means to control a person. In cults, I can think of two reasons that it is used, though I’m sure there are more.

• Control. The victim of this abuse rapidly feels driven to correct what they must have done wrong (even if it’s completely in the abusers mind.) None of us like the feeling of wondering what we’ve done to deserve being hated. The victim feels literally dead to the person or group shunning them. When this is your family, or your wife (as in my case,) or all your old friends. It hurts!
• Group communication control. What better way to keep a person from spreading the truth about the group then to convince everyone in the group that they are to be shunned?

Let’s face it, controlling groups are not going to tell you, typically, to shun someone. My in-laws, for instance, weren’t shunned… they were left alone because the pastor said they had “emotional problems” and were bi-polar. Same for my mother. As far as me, I don’t know what there reasoning is there – or why my wife refuses to speak to me anymore unless she absolutely has to.

Whatever the reason, what it comes down to is emotional abuse and spiritual abuse. It comes down to control by the abuser. That’s right – remember that word!

SPIRITUAL ABUSER (noun)(person) – Cult leaders, such as Ardith Keef and Bill Keef, that for their own purposes abuse others in the name of Jesus Christ or any Deity. (See abuse.)

Anchor members – How can you support this evil, insidious abuse?